Friday, February 01, 2008

Oscar Time - Annual POTKU Awards

Given that the Oscars are coming up, I figured that my movie awards should be out there as well. I’m tired of these award shows where only the quarky comedy or uber melodramatic movie gets the awards. We all know that it is easier for an actor to cry on screen then to die in a realistic manner. Why is the best death scene not awarded? Why are films, where the acting is good, but the films aren’t all that great, always awarded? Why are the movies that have all the hype the ones that get the awards? Why are there only awards and not penalties for movie travesties? Why don’t they ever tell us what made these people win over other? I care what the judges thought. Please, tell me why Babel was EVER nominated for anything!

No nominations. Let’s just get right to the awards.

Best Animated Film – Ratatouille [This movie makes you want to cook. The story line has something for both adults and children. The animation is more in the old school Bugs Bunny era, which I love]

Best Cinematography – Sunshine [The marketing for this movie was terrible. But, don’t hold that against them. A stunning visually appealing film to watch. Audio and visually speaking, one of the best films in recent history]

Best Supporting Actor – Stardust/Robert De Niro [As captain of a boat and in touch with his feminine side, Robert nails this roll!]

Worst Acting Job – Balls of Fury/Christopher Walken [Christopher, what were you thinking? Bad Bad Bad.]

Best Fight Scene – Live Free or Die Hard [This whole movie is action and fighting. Good wholehearted action!]

Best Sex/Fight Scene – Shoot Em’ Up [By far one of the best campy action films of the year, and the sex/fight scene is one of a kind]

Best Book Translated to a Movie – Into The Wild [Good job guys. Taking a story of a young mans adventure and death doesn’t seem to blockbuster … and you didn’t try to make it into that.]

Worst Book Translated into a Movie – I am Legend [Why does it seem to be impossible for film makers to take this book and create a movie based on it without “holywoodizing” it? Stop fucking with it.]

Worst Movie Intro – Superbad [You should please spend more money on your movie intro]

Best 80’s Reference – Hot Fuzz [No it is not Juno. “By the power of Grayskull” you should watch this film]

Best Naked Scene – 300 [One of the best hot and steamy sex scenes without seeing too much sex]

Best Cast Ensemble – Smokin’ Aces [Great cast … and Ben Affleck gets killed!]

Worst Sequel – AVPR [This was a terrible film. Aliens and predators beating each other up on Earth should be good right? Nope. Too many loose ends and not enough story.]

Best On Scene Birth – Knocked Up & Shoot Em’ Up [This is right. A tie. There is nothing like seeing an umbilical cord shot instead of cut, and Katherine Heigl makes you believe that she really is pushing out a child]

Best Foreign Film – The Host [Unexpectedly good. Monsters, not too much computer work, and loads people dying]

Best 80’s Remake – Transformers [More than meets the eye. That is for sure.]

Worst 80’s Remake – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles [Yuck, yuck, yuck!]

Best Double Feature – Grindhouse [Ultra violence with stellar characters.]

Best On Scene Boner – Smokin’ Aces [This film is worth watching just for the young kid. Great acting James Conkle]

Worst Film of 2007 – Mr. Bean’s Holiday [I can’t believe I wasted the time to watch this. TERRIBLE. There was no good part to this film. Acting, plot, directing … TERRIBLE]


Jennifer (Avivah) said...

Worst Film of 2007 – Mr. Bean’s Holiday [I can’t believe I wasted the time to watch this. TERRIBLE. There was no good part to this film. Acting, plot, directing … TERRIBLE]


This movie was so funny that Mark and I were laughing so hard that we were crying. The "movie" from the film festival was so bad that we couldn't stop howling with laughter. Rowan Atkinson is the funniest man on the planet, and he made fun of the entire American movie industry (which, by definition, sucks) without being overtly offensive.

And yet you gave a "best of" to TRANSFORMERS!?!?!?

I guess we are just going to have to accept our movie differences and move on. I think the flix feature on facebook told me we should get divorced. :)

Jennifer (Avivah) said...

I forgot to mention that I totally agree with the Christopher Walken vote. I would pay to see a movie where he actually has inflection in his voice.

Sondra said...

I can't believe you're hating on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!! ....... Hero's in a half shell, Turtle Power! Honestly I think it was the only movie I saw in the theater, how sad am I.