Sunday, December 30, 2007

Rants From The Airport

I'm sure in the new year I'll try to be less ranty. Or less judgmental. But for now ... I must post my rant (typed into my iPhone) from my last airport trip.

Please explain the muffin top pants and terrible shoes that people wear at the airport. Ever see those ass cheeks that are squeezed together so hard that you think the ass crack is going to explode out the top of the pants? Why are you wearing pants that are two sizes too small for you? Gold platform shoes ... in a snow storm? Really, you are not a Vegas showgirl. And even if you are, should you be wearing that out in public? I'd venture a guess that your mother taught you to dress better than that.

And what about those people who fart in public and they think you wont know who in the crowd did it. You are sitting next to me!! I totally know it was you, and so does everyone else! The restroom is right over there ... try a little walk.

Now my next question ... who came up with the tight low-rider pencil thin jeans that men are wearing these days? Your pants used to be baggy and showing off your underwear. Now the pants are SO tight that your satin boxers don't fit down the jeans. Yes, I can see them sticking out the top. If the ladies are muffin tops, the men are mushroom tops. maybe your next fashion conquest will be a man thong. At least that way I wont have to look at your Micky Mouser drawers.

You've walked by three times, I have a little comment. What the fuck is up with the fingerless weight lifting gloves? You are in an airport! Is there a Gold's gym on your way home? You should probably change out of those tight cowboy jeans before you do any squats ... I fear they might split down the back!

Is the real purpose of modern fashion to just show off tits, ass and other goods? If that is really the point, I'm going to have to design a new line. I'm thinking a bullseye flap that opens over and mans crotch (that way ladies can check out the goods before going home with you). For you ladies, I'm thinking let's do a see through shirt and chaps. Why fuck about?

I guess I'll never really understand the changing fashions. And I'll never understand how people can leave the house and show total strangers as much T&A as they do.

No comments: